KL to Perth

There is a baby on the other side of the gangway. She’s about a year. She’s grizzly. Bored, tired, trapped, grizzly.

There is an overweight man in the seat next to me. He has fat feet. He is overflowing into my space. He is snoring. Very loud long snores.

He ate his ‘brunch’ in less than 3 minutes. All of it. Even the disgusting dried fishes with peanuts.

I need to sleep. I have dozed. Not slept. It is 5.15 am UK time. Very bright and mid morning sunny. I need water. No sign of anyone since the seatbelt signs are on and it’s very bumpy.

I watch an episode of The Mentallist. The baby cries. I doze. He snores – and sways.

Finally I must have slept but briefly – we will shortly be making our descent into Perth. So get ready. Trip to unspeakable loo. Pack bag. Descend. The baby cries.

Landed. The baby cries. We are stuck on the slip road to the parking bays. An Emirates plane is in our space. Just like Wherstead Road! We wait. Captain is very sorry. We wait. He’s very very sorry.

A row erupts between our nearest steward (who is strapped in opposite me with the leg room) and a passenger who needs the loo. Those near us are locked. The seatbelt signs are on for passengers and crew. Our steward stands (or rather sits) firm. Passengers are to remain seated and buckled. The loos are out of use.(If my theory about them being discharged into the sky is true, this must be right since we are on the ground. Bit like not using the loo on the train in the station. Mum wouldn’t use the loo on the train if the train was moving because of an irrational fear of being sucked through a black hole on to the track!)

Anyway – another steward had allowed access to the loo in another part of the plane. Anarchy. Blame. Poor steward. He gave up. There will be a heated “team meeting” later.

At last we taxied into our parking space. 45 minutes late. Everyone leapt up the second we stopped. No no.  Remain in your seats. Quarantine officers are on board. Someone is feeling unwell. The implications of this are explained by my chubby neighbour. If the unwell passenger has anything contageous (Australia has its own very strict rules about what one is allowed to import and that includes germs) then we may all be Quarentined for days. Really? The three yellow jacketed officers are satisfied that Australia is safe and leave. We are free to go.

The baby stops crying.

I have completed my little immigration card with frank honesty. I have T bags (herbal of course) and medication (eyes) and vitamins. The customs officer seems disappointed. No sandwiches from the plane? No apples? You must be kidding. I’d kill for an apple. I’m free to go. I lied. I have Danno’s herbal tincture concealed in a shampoo bottle.

I’m in Perth. I need to get to Cottesloe which is my beach resort. Perth is a big city and I have a journey of maybe 20 miles. Bus I decide. Taxis are for wealthy wimps. Incidentally it’s raining really hard! The signposting is unhelpful. A lovely man in a canary yellow suit (I imagine he is a volunteer “friend of the airport” like a volunteer hospital guide) offers assistance. Are you allright? He’s English. Lives in Perth. Just returned from a Canal holiday in Shropshire. I reassure him I am ok but need bus advice which he dispenses. It involves 3 busses and a choice of numbers which I make him write down for me. I board the free shuttle to Perth Domestic. Then find the 37 for the city. Reassured that the driver will instruct me when to get off I settle in for the ride. The bus has steamed up in the rain so not much to see. I am discharged 40 minutes later in the CBD and told to ‘cut through there’ to the bus station for my next bus. Signposts? Nah! Lifts – Nah. Bear in mind I am dragging the larger portion of Owen & my joint luggage allowance of 26kg. I can’t do escalators and stairs are a slow challenge. Takes me half an hour to navigate to my next bus. 102 to Cottesloe. A further 40 minures pass. The bus is late. But it comes and I am aboard with renewed reassurances that I will be told where to disembark. By now it is dark and still raining. It takes nearly an hour.

I find the hostel. Book in. Free internet for an hour. Single room till Saturday. 7 beds in it. Two double decker beds with double beds on lower deck and a further single on its own. Cold & damp. There is a heater.  I’d forgotten about the noise levels in a hostel. Haha. It’s basic but it’ll do. O & A will love it. So I master the IT to send the odd email, unpack the essentials and sleep. Blessed sleep. 9 till 6. Can’t wait to explore in the daylight.