Blond Technology

I’m staying in the Yotel at Heathrow Terminal 4. It’s a cabin. Windowless – well technically there is a window to the corridor but that gives viewing access to the other visitors – like the London Aquarium – so one must pull down the blind. Once one has worked out how. I managed that pretty much straight away. The lights aren’t controlled with a switch. There is a control panel. When I entered the pod – with my swipe card of course – there was a bright pink glow from a concealed strip light between the wall and the ceiling. But not bright enough for Mrs Magoo here to see what was etched onto the control panel. I remained in pink darkness for some minutes, managing to find the, er, facilities but not the light. As for the bed….. it was only about 3 foot long and rather upright. I figured it would slide down somehow were I to find the right button but it was dark you see. I may have already explained that. I found my swipe card and went off to find thd nice young man who had checked me in. He explained the control panel. I must have looked blank as I tried to explain that I couldn’t see the control panel in the pink darkness. “Shall I come and show you”. “Yes (obviously)”

He did but he was very quick and went away. But I did have light although still only a dwarf bed. I experimented with the control panel. Lights came and went alarmingly so I left them all on. I went out again. He had another customer. I told him I was going to find some supper and that when I returned I needed him to further unravel the bed mystery. But not to tell me now as I was bound to forget by the time I came back. He was looking less patient. He said ” It’s the other two buttons by the bed. The silver ones. One for up one for down”. “Oh” I said. “I showed you” he said. “You did” I said. ” very quickly”.” It’s easy” he said. “I’m sure I’ll figure it out” I said brightly and ran off before he called for assistance. Returning with late sustinance, I had a harsh word with myself and prepared to do battle with my pod. But there were the 2 silver buttons as he had said. I pressed. The bed slid down flat and became 6 foot. I pressed again and up it slid to 3 foot and on a slope. Magic. So now I’m in it. I have a reading light and the bright pink but I’m fairly confident I can make them go away. So I will try to sleep with the breathy air conditioning chilling me and the sound of other podsters, like bees in the hive, mastering their own little technological challenges. It’s a fun world. Night night.